5 Steps to Sitting with Your Feelings

One essential goal of therapy is learning how to cope with your emotions. Coping with emotions in a healthy way is a key part of working with so many struggles, whether that be eating disorders, anxiety, depression, relationship issues, etc. There are many coping tools that we can use when we feel distressed, but one of the most important skills to learn is being able to “sit with your feelings” instead of distracting or avoiding.

Whenever I talk about this idea with clients, I am aware that it often feels pretty vague and messy. Clients often ask, “But what does that really mean? How do I do that?” While the process is a lot more complicated than this and often requires professional support, here are 5 steps to learning how to “sit with your feelings”

1. Acknowledge that you are feeling something

This might sound silly, but the first step is to just acknowledge that you feel something! If we have been used to distracting ourselves or avoiding our feelings, we may have gotten so good at doing this that you don’t even know you are having a feeling. The first step is to try to slow down and be able to notice that something feels off, even if you can’t quite figure it out.

 2. Name and identify the feeling

Once you are able to realize that you are feeling something, the next step is to try to name it. Sometimes we aren’t able to figure out exactly what we are feeling, so we can start small. Is the feeling good? Neutral? Bad? With practice, you will be better able to put words to what you are feeling. A feelings wheel is a great tool to practice.

3. Notice where you are feeling it

Our body is constantly giving us clues as to what is going on internal and how we feel. One way to learn more about our feelings is to pay attention to our physical sensations. Where in your body do you feel the feeling? When you are anxious, do you get butterflies in your stomach? Do you feel out of breath? When you are mad, does your head get hot? When you are sad, do you feel pressure behind your eyes?

4. BreathE!

This is the “sitting” part of it. When you do notice a physical sensation or an emotion, just breathe. Don’t do anything. Don’t try to change the feeling, make it go away, or talk yourself out of the emotion. Breathe. Bring your attention to the physical sensation. Bringing your attention to the physical sensations in your body and approaching them with curiosity helps us explore the feeling further. Does the feeling change as you pay attention to it? Maybe you notice another sensation you weren’t aware of before. Remember that the feeling won’t last forever. Some research shows that the average time we feel an emotion is only 90 seconds before it begins to change and dissipate.

5. Practice Self Compassion

Be gentle with yourself and speak kindly to yourself. Being human is hard. Emotions are hard and painful at times. Take care of yourself as you would a friend or a child. Feeling and sitting with your emotions is a skill that takes practice.

I hope this helps you have an idea of what it really means when therapists say “sit with your feelings.” If you want extra support, I would love to help. Feel free to call me at (424) 231-5877 or email me for a free 15-minute phone consultation. If you are looking for help with eating disorders, anxiety, or relationship issues, you can read more about how I can help here.